Critique Request

So, this one is a draft, feel free to tear it apart…give it your best honest opinion< i know personally a few line still don’t ‘feel’ right to me and I keep monkeying with it, but I thought I’d see if anyone would by and critique online.


Petals dead
still red
Hanging crisp –
fall upon floor
once in a while

a rose still
wickered in
chianti bottle
water milky brown
sickly sweet smell

Petals dead
still red
like swollen lips
red by kisses
red prick of thorn
hot red
flush of face.


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